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01:15 a.m. Sunday, July 6, 2003
I think the Amiga must be cursed. Just look at this history. When Commodore first released it, they failed to take advantage of the OS by advertising buisiness software properly, and instead marketed it as a games machine. Of course, there were the A500+, A600 and A4000 debacles, followed by the destruction of big C itself by the management.
Actually, it seems like it's a curse of bad management. Viscorp failed to do anything. Gateway failed to do anything. Finally, Amiga Inc have failed to act quickly enough too.
What angers me the most though is the way Amiga Inc in particular have treated the few remaining Amiga enthusiasts. Maybe I'm more upset with them because I have only become more active in the scene since about 1999, I don't know. What I do know is that Amiga have lied to us many times, and have now finally managed to destory any remaining community the Amiga had.
Perhaps the most obvious case of lying was back at the World Of Amiga South East (WOASE) show in 2001. Until three days before the show, both Amiga and Eyetech were telling us (the organisers) that the AmigaOne and OS4 would be ready. Of course, the reality was that neither even existed. A lot of people were dissapointed that day, and we were deeply embarrased because for the past few months we had been running full page ads in the only Amiga magazine left, boldly stating that it would all be ready and available. I guess we were mugs for not demanding to see something working first.
So, fast foreward to the present. We keep being told "it will be ready soon". On the other hand, Amiga's stuff is being sold off on eBay. No one working for them will confirm that they are being paid, and at least one person is owed $50,000 in unpaid wages that was awarded him in court. The official word is that there is no money to finish OS4, but it looks like there is no money at all.
I'm really just fed up with it all. By dragging it on, promising the world and then screwing everyone over, Amiga have finally managed to kill the Amiga scene. There are very few coders left now. The user groups are all dying slowly (except ASA which somehow is doing okay, at least online, but we seem to be the exception). If it had just been declared dead in, say, 1998, I think people would have made it their own and created something for themselves, much like the C64, Speccy, Archemidies and Atari scenes have.
What do I want Part II
09:42 p.m. Friday, July 4, 2003
To paraphrase of possibly the greatest movie actor ever to live: Portsmouth's got jack and shit, and Jack just left town.
University is finishing for another year, but I'm not there. It seems like I wasted a year really... I figured having a degree would mean I could get a job relativly quickly. Since I finished last year I have had one interview. One.
What the hell am I supposed to do? I just noticed that Portsmouth Uni are doing a post-grad course in Software Engineering, and some Electronic Engineering too... I wonder, is it worth it though, I mean will having an MSC change things? As it is now, even if I had one, it would not have many any difference.
I suppose the obvious thing is to take a job away from Portsmouth. Problem is, it means moving out. In the current housing market, that will be hard. Unless they are offering 17-18K+ I don't think I could afford it.
Man... teaching in Japan just looks better and better every day. I get to move away from Portsmouth to a country I feel is far more in tune with myself than here. I get to teach, something I really think I will enjoy. They help set you up with an apartment too. It would be one hell of an adventure.
All I seem to have left in Portsmouth are my friends. I'll miss them, I know... but it's not enough. I guess I'm the kind of guy who feels he needs to be doing things for himself... that's not it really, I can't quite put it in words. Maybe I'm not even sure I know what it is. It's driving me mad though.
I have no idea if I can get through this interview I have later this month. Let's hope so, for my sake.
What do I want?
12:30 a.m. Monday, June 30, 2003
In the past couple of days, I kind of realised I'm not entirely sure I know what I want...
I seem to have grown bored with mainstream computing. It's not the same as it was when I got into it... back when people still used DOS and coded the hardware directly. Really, the only things left for me in that area are games and embedded systems... embedded stuff is interesting I think.
Other than that, there is teaching. Really though, I want to go to Japan to teach. Why? Well, I kind enjoy teaching on an informal basis (it would probably surprise some of my friends to learn that I'm quite good when I get into it, but I think it's a side of me they probably have not really seen much of). Japan seems like a really interesting place to be, and the kind of society I'd like to live in. Above all I think it's the respect and social responsibility they seem to have - the streets are clean because people don't want to live in a shit-hole, and realise that the street belongs to them as much as everyone else and that it's in everyones interest to keep it clean. Not like round here where you cannot go more than a few meters in any direction before finding a bit of chewing gum. My brother can be like that, he doesn't seem to care about anyone but himself.
Anyway, rant over, I just really want to leave Portsmouth, and that seems like an ideal way to do it. Portsmouth is just such a dump, and there are no good jobs here, or much to keep someone entertained. The people here are by and large morons, or at least the youth are. I find there are very few people I can relate to... well, there was one, but for someone she never called me. Thank god for my friends, even if some of them don't quite "get" me all the time.
Seeing my future
03:41 p.m. Thursday, June 26, 2003
Charlie read by future with her funny deck of cards yesterday at the pub... I don't really believe in that stuff, although I suppose in a metaphysical sense it is possible they could do something. Anyway, let's just assume not for now.
I can see why people put a lot of faith in them though. The things they say are so vague you could really read just about anything in to them. It's very easy to do it though, especially when they look good.
Back to more practical things, I have decided that I only really want to do lecturing or system level programming. Computers have changed a lot since I got into the game - seems like I have lived through a revolution of sorts. Anyway, I really hate all this modern stuff... relational databases, object oriented design etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I know about it because it can be useful, it's just not what I signed up for. I'm very old school, hardware level stuff, C/assembler, iterative design, bottom up etc etc.
Anyway, I made a decision, so I've been applying to as many places as I can. I have a couple of local college things in the pipeline, but I put in for loads of Japanese English schools too. Some of them only hire in the US and Japan... wish I could go out there. It's not just that it's Japan, it's the fact that I'd get to start something really new, and get away from Portsmouth.
Who judges you?
03:54 p.m. Wednesday, June 25, 2003
Been thinking a bit more about what Satre said, regarding a person being defined by their actions.
The problem I have with it is that it relies on other people making judgements about you. While most people care to some degree what their friends think, should they really care what all the other people, some of who they may disagree with in very fundamental ways, think?
Perhaps there is a bit of contradiction here too. Satre states that an existentialist makes decisions based on his own ideals and will, not on the morality systems of others. I agree with him. Even if you ask someones opinion, you know that they are biased in some way and so are already accepting that bias, and have made some kind of decision to. Acting on their advice is also accepting it by choice. Satre also says that a person must choose themself, in other words define themself though action. However, if actions only lead to definition by the judgement of other, a person cannot really choose themself, only choose to do what they think will most likely create the desired response in others. Worse still, acting on your own free will, regardless of what others think, negatively defines you.
Not sure about this one really. I suppose where Satre and I differ is that I think you are not just the sum of what you have done in the eyes of others.
The sum of your achivements
11:43 p.m. Tuesday, June 24, 2003
Just reading Existentialism and Humanism by Satre. In it he states that a person is defined by what they do. Aspirations and goals are worthless, it's only what you do that counts. The example he gives is a great author who writes many good books. It is impossible to say that he can write one more good book unless he actually does - so although he has potential it is meaningless unless he acts on it.
I kind of agree, particularly from a social point of view. Other people do simply judge you by the what they see you have acomplished. However, my question is this: does other peoples view of you thus define you? I would tend to think not, at least not really. Beyond what you do, there is your mind, your thoughts and ideas. In and of themselves they are meaningless things, but I also consider what you do to be meaningless in the end as well. So, it comes down to the question of if other peoples opinions matter to the individual.
I guess then, the individuals appraisal of their own self, ideas, hopes, goals, potentials, actions, achievements and all is what counts. Of course, the individual may care greatly about the opinions of certain others, but it is their choice to give value to them. The relative worth of certain actions will vary depending on who you ask, but the only one that matters is your own.
In light of this, while actions and works do define the individual in a social sense, I don't think they can really be said to be the sum total of that individual.
Reality vs. perception
08:23 p.m. Monday, June 23, 2003
Okay, first thing, I archived the main page, seems to work fine but if you are looking for older stuff use the links on the left now.
Right, reality verses perception. I'm a dualist of sorts, I think there is the reality that really exists (the "external" reality) and reality as you think of it (the "perceptive" reality). The two are similar but not the same.
Our senses are limited. We can't see what is behind us, hear what is out of earshot. Places I know exist as I left them in my mind, yet by now they could have been altered.
Our senses can just be plain wrong sometimes too. Special effects in films look real, but obviously are not. Our brains constantly process all the input we get into something manageable, which usually means concentrating on just one small thing at a time. Our minds are inventive too, and our memories not perfect.
So, in the end, it's impossible to have a full grasp on reality. Clearly, there will be differences in what we think of as the world and what actually exists.
Another way of looking at it is that, in our minds, the world is full of values. Objects, places and people have meaning. In reality, they simply exist and have no inherrent value.
These facts make it difficult to see reality as it is. I'm not sure how much of a problem that is yet...
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, does not go away" - Philip K. Dick.
MoJo-chan is 23 and lives in the UK. He believes in a humanistic form of existential nihilism. Current favorite band is power metal outfit Sonata Arctica and mostly watches Love Hina and Chobits.
Quote:
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, does not go away.
- Philip K. Dick